We had the trip to Sungei Buloh yesterday. On a Saturday evening... how sucky can that be?

I am so NOT meant for this type of outdoor activity. I don't know how to appreciate nature. Well, at least, not swampy kinds of nature. I don't mind animals, natural structures or even flowers but swamps? Mudskippers? Monitor lizards? Definitely not. I'm not sure if it was psychological or not but I really felt terribly itchy and disgusted throughout the walk. Bleagh. And it was sooooo hot. Thankfully, that's over. No more hot, disgusting nature trails, thank you very much. The last time which was the ferz time I visited that place was in 1995, when I was in P5. There wasn't much of a choice for us who went for the camp. We were simply just packed and brought to the swamp. Even then I remembered NOT enjoying myself. Thinking about it just gives me the creeps... with all the creepy crawlies & gang. Eeeeeeewwwwww!

My headache seems to be quite bad now as I'm typing this down. I did get my sleep. I'm not sure why. Maybe I'm too tired? I had tuition yesterday morning, went home, then I had to leave for that nature trail, went home again, then I met Mum at Orchard to shop cos it was late night shopping last night (yay!). Come to think of it, I didn't have any rest yesterday. Explains why I'm so tired. But I've been feeling quite lethargic of late.

And the 'wonderful' institution I'm at right now has such a crappy system. Or did I already mention that in my previous recounts? Anyway, even if I have, this should be a further emphasis on their stupid system. It's supposed to be the reading week this coming week BUT not all modules are have reading week which translates to having to come to school for about only 2 hours a day. Fucked up! Monday to Thursday. What kind of reading week is that? It's supposed to be the time where you're supposed to be able to complete all the shit given over the previous weeks. I get so riled up everytime I think about it! Aaaargh!

The only comforting thought I have right now is thinking about my 2 pairs of shoes & 2 tube tops I just bought while shopping with Mum yesterday.
At least the anger & frustration gets translated to productive energy...

I'm still experiencing the dizzy feeling I have, making me ditzy. Haha. Okay, not.
I'm trying to continue writing my Ed Pshych essay but after a while, my headache got worse. And bibik keeps telling me to go to sleep. Feels like but with all the papers & pens strewn on my bed, it takes effort to just move them to the floor. And I don't feel like making an effort to do that.

I'm so lazy I can't believe it myself.

Then again it explains why my room is the way it is. It will only be smart & neat when bibik comes in to clear the mess. Sometimes I wonder if I'm a girl...

Check. Yup, I am.
It's just the mannerisms I guess.

At this point of time, my head's feeling reeeeeal woozy. I can't take it anymore.

I need to crash.

So much for staying awake to complete my essay. At least I'm halfway through.

I'm having a throbbing headache since I woke up for subuh prayers this morning. Have you ever felt your head swimming, eyes not able to open wide and your head simply feels so heavy...? Well, mine felt like that. It felt better after the sleep this afternoon but I'm still feeling woozy.
I don't know why...

Anyway, Mum & I window shopped yesterday. The plan was to get myself a pair of shoes. Found one from Joan&David. It was gorgeous... but it didn't come in half a size bigger for me! How sad is that?? Sighz. So I'm still shoes-less now. I wanna hit those boutiques in Taka soon. This calls for an emergency shopping trip!

And Mum's looking for a bag again. I feasted my eyes that afternoon! Really liked, no, fell in love, with this Fendi bag. If it wasn't for the fact that I'm saving up for a wedding, I'd have gotten myself that gorgeous velvet bag! I could have but I better not. It costs less than the one I bought earlier. An appealing factor. Now I can't stop thinking about it. I keep having to remind myself that Mum's the one looking for the bag, not me. And that I have a wedding to save for. Somehow that thought doesn't seem to convince me at all. I'm still dreaming of that gorgeous velvet bag... Sighz.

Okay, focus. I need a pair of shoes. Shopping with me... anyone?

I hate ICT lessons. Or to be more precise, planning an ICT lesson.
The module is a complete waste of time! Aaaargh!
Giving us unnecessary extra load of work. As if I don't already have like a million essays to write.
Screw you.
Because of you, I'm having such a huge headache now.
I was completely at peace while completing my Math tutorial of proving geometry but you just had to spoil my mood.
You here, refers to the ICT shit.

I hate the time spent there.

It just dawned on me that today's the 20th.

Happy Birthday Dad!

I gotta go collect my baju from Sultanah now. Must her shop be at Geylang?
Sighz.

I have half an hour left before my next lesson starts. I am so unmotivated to attend the lesson cos the tutor simply doesn't motivate me. I'm putting what I learn in that module to use here. Haha. Ed Psych. How sai-ish it can be! There's a reason why I've never taken a module from the Psych discipline in NUS. It's a complete waste of time.

Yesterday's communication studies was fun. Phonetics & pronunciation. Super cool. I love it. My tutor's great fun too so that really helps in getting me all psyched up for the lesson. I realised that my pronunciation has been tainted by the American way of pronouncing the words. In fact, I think most of us are affected. We turned British in one afternoon! So should I continue speaking like a farce? Hmmm... guess not. A rhetorical question. Haha...

Okay, I guess I gotta go now...

Today was the start of Ramadhan. Wishing all Muslims Ramadhan al-Mubarak...
May we emerge as better individuals with this special month of the year. InsyaAllah.

As usual, I wasn't really hungry. But thirsty? Definitely.
I had a few spoonfuls of porridge and that was it. I was so tired I couldn't bring myself to try the other foods.
I am still very thirsty... I think it's the weather. It's super warm tonight.
Or maybe it's due to me using up my brain juices trying to complete an assignment: test construction.
It's easy to critique but it's definitely tough to create quality MCQs.
And it doesn't help that I'm coming down with flu. I just got it this morning. I can't stop sneezing & it's irritating me! Aaaargh!
I think the flu bug's going around. I'm very susceptible to flu since young. That's gotta explain it.

I'm super tired lately. And with Ramadhan here, I'm waking up even earlier. I have a forum to attend tomorrow that ends at 6.30p.m. Sighz. I hope it's worth my time. Only a chosen few are required to go. I'm not sure how they go about choosing names but the timing couldn't have been worse. On a Friday at that too. Oh well...

Time for me to hit the bed or I won't be able to be awake at 5 tomoro morning!
Sweet dreams!
*mwackz*

pay rise=increased savings?

OR

increased expenditure?

Have I ever told anyone my deep, dark secret? I love watching High School Musical! And I'm looking forward to catching the premiere of High School Musical 2 tomorrow!

*shrieks*

I know, 23 and still watching a high school show? What can I say? There's a child in everyone of us. I'm such a sucker for these kinds of shows. I've always been attracted by the student life there. Sighz. My nights during primary school were spent reading Sweet Valley books from the twins series, to high school series and finally college series where I never found out the ending to the story as my father disapproved of me reading such novels. I used to read them discreetly as he would wake up like a million times a night to make sure that I was asleep as I was supposed to sleep by bedtime. The cheek of me!

Then I made friends with kids who went to the American School and Overseas Family School, usually the latter. Those were the fun days. That was when I was 13. Then things happened and I lost touch with all of them. Maybe for the better? I don't know. But I gotta admit, I miss that part of life at times.

The novels that I read and the people that I befriended played a huge role in moulding the way I think. Till today, it's very difficult for me to embrace my true culture (whatever it is) due to socialization. Asian values sometimes drive me up the wall. And Malay culture? I am pretty much clueless as my parents are more concerned with religious values.

Anyway...

I'm not sure why but I'm suddenly rethinking the decisions I've made. The more I think about it, the more unsure I become. Oh God, help. I've always prayed for peace within myself and sanity of mind. I'm feeling confused and I feel shitty about it.

I should stop it! What the fuck am I thinking? But somehow, I can't seem to stop thinking about it! I hate feeling confused like this. It's not fair cos it doesn't only involve me.

I think too much thinking is not doing me any good. This is the right time for me to turn in then. And I've got plans tomorrow morning to visit dad. And I never thought that staying home on a Saturday night would be so fulfilling as today cos I'm hardly home on Saturday nights. Hehe. I managed to watch High School Musical for the 15th time I think, complete my last fucking reflection assignment which I only got to know about it yesterday, fucked up, and just getting in touch with myself. Although I'm not too sure if the last point is beneficial to me. Haha.

The night is still young but I'm bidding good night to all. For the first time in many Saturday nights, I'm turning in early...

I never realized how warm the weather is till I stepped out of my room. Weather's pretty unpredictable lately. It can be super hot one day and cold the next day. As I'm munching away on my chicken sandwich (yumz), I'm feeling quite contented for having completed my reflection for Science which I'm supposed to only churn out 300 words but I ended up writing almost a thousand. There's a million things to talk about. 300 words is not sufficient! That's about the length of one paragraph I've written. Anyway it wasn't stated that there would be any penalty so I guess it should be fine. In fact, no instructions were given as to how much to write that I had to e-mail the co-ordinator. Sighz, screwed-up system. But the prof was a nice man.

So here I am, seated in front of this screen, with a chicken sandwich by my side and a bottle of longan & red date drink. Mum loves this drink so there's bottles of it in the fridge. Drinks & ice-cream. 2 things you'll always find in the fridge. Apart from all the cookies and yoghurt and cheese... & junk. Anyway, I could call this a mini celebration as I celebrate having completed my Science reflection, which means I've no more reflections to write on cos that's the last one, & for having settled both my Science lesson plans for the assignment! Yayness! I was stumped the other night but tonight, it felt like a lightbulb lighted up on top of me. The ideas just flowed, faster than I could type that I had to resort to writing and typing at the same time for fear of losing every bit of info. Aaaah... now I only need to come up with a lit review & presentation slides for those lessons.

Tomorrow will be a new day for me to embark on my last assignment for this damned e-learning shit week, which will be done at Haz's place. I only pray that I'm able to wake up on time to reach her place by 11.30 in the morning. The tranquility of the night sometimes makes me so energized that I'm motivated to complete all my work. With Mum, Nina and bibik asleep, I have the house to myself. If Acap was home, then it'd be very different from how it is now. But he's in camp.

It's Friday now. Too soon. How I wish the weekends would pass by slowly but I know they don't. They always seem to pass by a lot faster than weekdays. Sad but true. I'm sure many can relate to this.

You know, I realize I've been posting entries pretty often this week. Thanks to e-learning shit where I'm forced to be online everyday where unlike usual days, I'm hardly home to be online. In fact, even when I'm home, I hardly have the time to post any entry. Today I don't feel like TGIF cos I'm feeling pretty gloomy that it's Friday. But to all who have a long working or schooling week, it's the last day of the working week! Enjoy!

I definitely prefer to work late into the night. This explains why I have a hard time waking up in the morning. Sighz.

I've been having nostalgic thoughts tonight. I thought of how insensitive I was at handling certain matters and I'm regretting that I didn't handle it in another way due to my impulsiveness and hot-headedness. If I was calm, I wouldn't have said the things I did. It makes me feel incompetent. I'm sorry but most importantly I'm regretful of my actions. I'm not perfect, neither are you. But it's not right for me to be insensitive to your feelings. There are no words to describe how I'm feeling right now. I'm grateful that you've been my companion over the years.

Nothing happened. I'm just feeling nostalgic as I recall the past incidents. I really need to change, I need to better myself, humanise myself. It's easier said than done but that's why people call it a resolution, don't they?
It's worth a shot. For you.

This week doesn't seem so bad after all. Mum surprised me with a Coach wristlet!
Why? Just because. I love my mum. She definitely knows how to make things seem brighter for me even though assignments are a bitch.

I'm having a throbbing headache now after looking through my assignment for Science. I'm settled for the 30 mins lesson but the 1 hour one is giving me a headache cos I dunno where to start. I've been brainstorming and penning down my thoughts but it doesn't seem to lead me anywhere. Maybe I'm too tired. Guess I just have to be contented with having completed my Ed Psych shit which is totally useless and my Physics tutorial. Gawd, my A level Physics is coming back to haunt me.

I realise that my entries haven't been on a cheery note lately. I can't help it... I'm sorry. I'm cranky over the assignments. There's tons of them and the list never seems to end. I love exams, why can't they just give me a paper to sit for at the end of the day instead of having to laboriously complete the assignments? I think I must have gone through this like a million times. Aaaargh.

I need a break. But everytime I think about the time frame given to complete the assignments, I'm back on non-stop work mode. Times like this, time seems to pass by real fast.

Things need to really slow down...

I am so fucking tired. It's e-learning week but the amount of work way exceeds the usual workload. Sometimes I think it's better to attend lessons in school. It's almost 3 a.m. and here I am, having only completed 3 assignments. But I guess it's a much needed break from having to travel to and fro every morning to no-man's land. I can't wait for everything to be over.

And it so happens that this week is also a term break for all kiddos. Mum applied for leave today, or yesterday actually, and we caught ratatouille. I miss Paris. In fact, when the fiance and I caught Bourne Ultimatum some time back, I missed the cities featured. Sighz. The idea of breaking free from this monotonous life is seriously appealing. Because right now, my schedule is really appalling!

My head's spinning from having stared too long at this computer screen. Okay, maybe not too long since I just reached home about 2 hours ago from supper with the fiance. But I've been at it since morning! Time to recharge for another arduous day of completing more work tomorrow.

What did I just say about my appalling schedule?