There are times like right now when I question the sincerity of his intention.
I wouldn't say I'm suspicious; I'm just cautious. It sounds contradicting, I know.
In a way, this wariness arose from yesterday's event. I was really saddened by his action which I believe that he's not aware that I heard.
Why did he have to do that? Why does he make me feel worthless?
If I'm not what he has been looking for all these years, tell it straight to my face.
It may be a joke to them, but I'm sorry, I can't see the entertainment value in that.
Am I losing my faith? Maybe.
At such a crucial time like this, I know I shouldn't feel this way.
But I can't help it.

I wish I could stand up tall and proud, and say that I don't need a man by my side.
Okay, maybe I can stand up tall, standing at 1.7m above ground, but not very positive on that proud part.
After all, I'm a girl. I try to be strong but who am I kidding?
I'm soft at heart.
But that doesn't mean I'm submissive. No sirree.
If it works, it works. If it doesn't, it's time to move on.

I feel tons better now that I've poured out my soul on this virtual writing space and I let the tears wet my cheeks.
All I need is to let it out of my system.
The heart still feels crushed but I can feel the infusion of energy back into my body.
If the menses wasn't here, I'd have gone for a run.

Such are the sufferings of a girl.
If it's not issues of the heart, it's the hormonal system.

This whole mini-reno thingee to my room is driving me nuts.
I'm stressed up cos there're so many things to do (and pay!), too many things to organise and too many things to worry about!
The wardrobe's gone. So now the home clothes and outing clothes are on the floor. All the bajus are stashed in the maid's room. I seriously worry about how I'm going to fit all my clothes into the new wardrobe when I've had the luxury of having 2 metres of space for myself, but now, having to share that space with someone else.
How? How?

The cable guy is coming this Friday, and so are the curtain people.
I still have to look for lamps, painting service...
Getting married sure is tons of a hassle.

I've been getting up early the past week since the last weekend.
Been looking around and running errands.
We were this close to buying a Civic when Mum remembered that the kiddo will be taking her license next year. 18 in Jan. How lucky.
So it's best to continue driving the current car.
We'll review the idea again next year I guess.
I was quite disappointed but I got over it pretty quickly.
Think the bro's pretty disappointed with the decision. Maybe next year...
But he won't be around to drive it since he'll be away for studies.
Maybe that's the reason for his disappointment?
Maybe...

I'm sitting here, waiting and getting a lil sleepy...
When's he coming?

There were so many things that I wanted to blog about throughout the week. But now that I've finally logged in, I don't know where to start.

Well, for one, school's out. For the kids anyway.
Really looking forward to the silence this week.
As usual, there's tons to complete but none that I can do at home since I refuse to bring the school lappie home to connect to the intranet.

It's been so long since the fiance and I went out, dressed up and all.
Yesterday was great fun!
I should snap pix to add visual description to this blog.
We had a nice, quiet late lunch which kept us full till dinner.
And we did a little detective work which was pretty fun and hilarious!
On top of all the shopping...

Oh... I had a weird dream last night.
I'm not sure if it's a fantasy due to my feelings or is the dream telling me a sign?
It felt so real.
It's too personal to reveal the dream here.
But I'm dying to tell someone about it just to get an opinion.

Time is ticking.
I'm excited. But too many weird things are happening.
Distractions. I gotta stay firm.

This week has been crazy.
I've been running around everywhere ever since the release of exam scripts.
And there's been so much screw-ups that I'm getting exasperated with the incompetencies of the people.
This is the only time this week that I'm able to sit down and have a sandwich and coffee for lunch.
I may be turning into a coffee addict soon (gasp!).
I've been having a cup of coffee almost every day this week. And that has never happened before!

I have an appointment with the make-up artist today but I have an adhoc department meeting later at 3.30. How the fuck am I supposed to make it there at 5?
I'm so tempted to just leave at 4.30 and make my way down. Screw the department meeting. It's not my fault that it was not informed to us earlier.
It was informed via sms anyway. So maybe I should just inform him via sms that I'm not going to stay. Haha... That would be fun!

Gotta run now. Meeting for HE starting soon.
My head feels heavy already.
Can't wait to fucking leave this place.
1 more day till the weekends! I can make it!