2 more days and I'm done with the jamu.
I've been taking it for about 2 weeks now.
Since Ramadhan's started, my body's been a little heaty cos I can't drink water during the day.
And it's been 3 weeks since I last drank a glass of cold drink.
In my fourth week now, praying that all goes well.

Have been feeling real lethargic the past week.
Hoping that this week will feel better.

It's THE Night tomorrow.
I'm soooooo not excited.
I'd rather be eating at home.

Thank God for a pair of beautiful parents, for the thick, straight hair.
I saw a picture and I'm contemplating whether I should cut my hair that short. Yeah, I just cut my hair again a few weeks ago; it's sweeping my shoulders.
The picture I saw featured the model with hair just touching her chin.
I never had much hassle with my hair... It's wash, comb with a wide-toothed comb and I'm out of the house.
The wind will just dry my hair naturally.
I really thank God for the thick, smooth and straight hair that I have, thanks to my parents.
If I were to cut it according to the picture I saw, it may involve a lil bit of styling and blowdrying before I leave the house.
Question is... Will I have the time to do that?
Or better still... Can I actually be bothered to do that? Haha...
I'll have to ponder and talk to my hairdresser about this.

I'm thinking of shopping tomorrow.
But I just printed out the exam paper which I've yet to vet...
Maybe I can just shop for a lil bit...
Heh.

I'm touched by a colleague's gesture. She passed me a book.
One of those self-help books.
I can actually relate to the contents of the book.
And I'm surprised to read that what I'm feeling is generally felt by people in the same boat.
I doubt I'll actually carry out what has been shared in the book but it's good to know that these things take time.
Everyone around you moves on faster than you do.
Except you.

Anyway, Haz has given birth to her baby girl and we visited her yesterday.
That is one daddy's girl.
She looks just like her daddy!
Great to know that both mummy and baby are fine.
=)

Soon...

The warnings have been right! I bumped into the big boss today and he doesn't know a thing!
Then what the hell was that all about? She said she was going to inform him but... nothing!
Oh well.. that teaches me that everything that I tell her needs to be in black and white.
Someone told me that last week.
It's a good thing it's nothing major.
I'll just text him the next time I need to say anything instead of trusting her when she said she would relay the message.

It feels like someone has been beating my back these few days.
It's so painful and stiff!
And no amount of sleep suffices.

Help!

I'm tempted to sleep but I won't.
Cos I plan to sleep early tonight.
Will perform my prayer after I'm done with this and read the Quran.
Hope this year's Ramadhan will be better than the last.

Amin.

It's disappointing, it's sad... but I don't know how to express myself to be understood.
It feels like I'm being pushed further into the peripheral.
I don't feel appreciated anymore.

Everyone 'applauded' the boss' 'meticulous planning' of our training.
When everyone else is allowed to leave at 1.30 p.m. these 2 days, we have to attend a workshop held here till 5 p.m. or God knows what time.
How impressive! No wonder he's so well-liked.
Give us a break.. please!
This week has been tiring, draining and a back-aching one.
Or maybe I'm the only feeling that way? But by the look of it, I think all of us feel the same way.

With a spinning head and an aching back, will I give a fuck about what's going on later?
No.
Just fuck off and let me go home and sleep.

My tum-tum is feeling so much better today.
=)

Now, who can I e-mail to enquire about my bond?

I'm feeling tons better now after the traditional massage earlier today.
At least now I know what's wrong with me.
I need to keep warm.
But how to do that when I'm constantly perspiring in this sweltering heat?
The only 'warm' clothing that I have on me is my pair of socks.

Hubby finds the look hilarious.
Picture this: t-shirt, hotpants and socks.
He thinks I'm off to play soccer!

Sheesh.

I'm thankful for a wonderful hubby.

Pretty pretty - THE Fendi Peekaboo

I'm determined to have a better time.
Not great, just better.

Update: This morning seems better already. Pay's in!

When will it stop?

The trip to Thomson today made me feel better.
Guess it's that little bit of dolling up, finding for clothes to wear,... that makes life seem worthwhile once again.
But of course, I wasn't allowed to drive.
It was cab galore. The trip home was driven by a rude Chinese cab driver who thinks I'm "just another" Malay girl.
Since Maklong accompanied me throughout the trips, obviously I was speaking in Malay.
The moment I dropped her off at her place, I was so rude to the cab driver that he cowered in intimidation.
You do not want to piss me off, you stupid man.
So what if you pick up Malay speaking passengers? So what if my aunt can't really speak English? The important thing is we paid for your service and your duty is to at least show an obliging face and speak with a decent tone.
Stupid man. I wish I could have slapped his face.
That would probably have woken him up. I think he's too comfortable seating in his automatic driven cab with more comfortable leather seats than the other cabs.
The slap would probably make him drive better as well.
I can't stand rude and aggressive drivers any more than I can stand his stinking attitude.

This feels good.
To trash it all out.
I've not felt such emotions in the longest time although I think it's only been less than a week.

Oh well...

I never told anyone but it felt the same way it did when he left.
Funny isn't it? When I never even knew it yet it hurts that much.
I'm fine except when I'm praying. Sometimes.
The tears stream down before I can actually think.
It's heart over mind.
I'll move on in life...

I just wonder when.

Before I get knocked out again by the medication, I thought I'd check my mails and stuff. To keep the depression away.
Last night was emotionally tiring.

Anyway, the surfing around brought me to Fendi website.
I quite like the peekaboo bags. They're new in the market.
So it's something for me to look at when I am finally allowed to go out.
And if I like it enough, maybe I'll grab one.
I need to get myself absorbed in activities that engages my heart, soul and mind.
Looking at a new bag may be just what I need.

If I can bring myself to get out of the house...

This feels quite frustrating. I'm not allowed to go out for whatever reason.
And I have to consume so many things.

When will this be over?
Sleep is the only solace.

Update: I'm shutting down. I lack the drive and the mood.

I've accepted it, have accepted it from the time I got to know about it.
I was just afraid of the procedure.
But it's done and I feel okay.
Goodbye.

I love my hubby.

We talked about it and it got my hopes up. I really hope it does come true in the near future.

I've never felt as tired as this before. My back hurts after a day at work. It becomes so stiff that bending is a burden! I'll bring this up at my medical appointment tomorrow.

So far, I don't have the 'mood' to do anything related to work. I just wanna go home as early as possible. Plus the fact that I'm so tired by the time the bell rings at 10 a.m doesn't make matters easier.

Time for me to retire for the night...